Parenting in Separation and Divorce: Back-to-School “Must-Do’s”

September 2025

Summer is coming to an end—the days are noticeably shorter; the mornings hint of Fall; the stores display signs of back-to-school items; even economic reports reference rising cost of school supplies. Parents are acutely aware that they need to move into action—to rummage through the old stuff and to formulate lists of new purchases. Yet, this article is not about the rising costs of back-to-school preparation. Indeed, this is not really an article about money. The beginning of the school year is not only about returning to the classroom. It is also about the activities that children participate in outside the classroom—the sport teams, piano lessons, tutoring sessions, and even childcare services. More importantly, this is an article about parental cooperation and, in particular, it is a message to parents who are living separately, a message to work together in determining and designing for the nature of each child’s day. Whether parents are sharing physical custodianship or whether the children reside primarily with one parent, the message is the same. Parents need to participate as a unit in researching and planning for the “fullness” of each child’s day. Neither parent should be the arbitrator on what activities, lessons, and the like are best for a child. Unless one parent is truly absent or unless there are issues of abuse or other grievous behavior, both parents should commit to having a voice in their children’s lives. Undoubtedly, it is easier to be the sole decision-maker, but easier does not translate into what is best of children. Let’s consider how this collaborative model might work.

Prior to the beginning of the school year, parents need to:

• Discuss their understanding of what activities they believe their child is interested in pursuing.
• Discuss the different offerings for these activities. For example, if their child is interested in playing soccer, the parents may discuss school soccer, town soccer, travel soccer league –all dependent on experience, ability, and, of course, the cost.
• Discuss how many activities the child should participate in and the requirements to make that happen—need a carpool, need to change work hours, need to revise the parenting schedule.
• Discuss any objections to partaking in a particular activity. For example, a parent may feel a sport is dangerous or too demanding of a child’s time or that it interferes with the parenting schedule.
• Discuss the costs involved and, if too expensive, whether there are opportunities for scholarship moneys or whether in juggling other expenses, the funds can be made available.
• Discuss lessons or activities or therapies that you feel the child needs and then share your research on the available options.

In short, the main takeaway is not what activities your child participates in, but instead on making a commitment to collaborative parental decision-making. Parental cooperation is, of course, not limited to discussions of activities; a collaborative model of parental behavior extends far beyond this arena—it means participating in the lives of your children in which each parent has a voice and a role—in which you work together in the best interests of your children. Nothing less is needed.